Updated: Apr 4
I was ghosted by someone a while ago. Ghosting is when someone with whom you have a relationship just stops contact with you. I’m not talking about friends who have lives, and you just don’t get to connect as often. I’m talking about radio silence.
My usual reaction is to spend a lot of time worrying about why and what I’ve done to have it happen. In this case, I didn’t even realize it had happened at first. It took someone else to bring it to my attention. I wasn’t hurt by it. I have been through this type of thing a million times before.
As I have said before, I have done a lot of work on myself, including dealing with how people affect my day-to-day life. When people would disappear, I took it deep into my heart. I felt that somehow I had failed our relationship. It felt that I wasn’t enough for them, which meant I wasn’t good enough as a person.
There is only so much we can do to help and connect to others. I was always someone who tried to make things happen, only to feel worse when it would blow up in my face. I would internalize everything. It sits in my heart and makes its way to my mind. When it hits my mind, no amount of trying to logic my way out of it will let it go. It eats away at my esteem, and I feel I am not worthy of anything.
I have come to realize that when people have problems with me, 99% of the time, it has absolutely nothing to do with me.
Over the last few years, I have learned that what drives me nuts about others is connected to an issue in my head and my psyche. Once I figure out what is driving my feelings, I can then work on the trigger. Once I have figured out that trigger, the person doesn’t cause an issue for me. It has nothing to do with that person.
Recently the person who ghosted me reached out. There were reasons given and apologies made, but I felt nothing. Not happy the person had reached out, but I wasn’t upset either. I had to spend time thinking about this. Should I respond or ignore this person? Believe me; it was not an easy decision.
It’s never an easy decision to let go of someone or something. It feels like I am failing at being a compassionate human being. But underneath that, I have figured out that I was making myself a martyr, sacrificing my joy and happiness. Once I realized that I needed to focus on what makes me happy, those people in my orbit who I had been letting suck my energy and joy out became muffled. Once they were muffled and weren’t getting the attention they were seeking, they dissipated into the ether.
Working on myself and creating a space for joy and happiness has changed my outlook. It has changed the energies of those I love and care for. I give my joy freely to those I choose. There may be a few joy stealers hanging on to the last vestiges of my old self, but they are far and few between. And I know they will either change or disappear.