Updated: Mar 9
The last couple of weeks of my vlogs, I found myself focusing on a few interconnected topics into the larger moving picture of my journey. I have realized that they would make a great blog post.
Everything led to the idea of me finding my power.
Letting go of control is a hard thing for me. I spend far too much time focused on the things I can’t control: People, situations, moments that have already happened. It’s as if feeling that if I focus enough on it, maybe it will change the situation. Like the idea that perhaps that fight with someone didn’t exist.
We all give and take energy to those around us. That’s the give and take of who we are as people. It’s a natural thing that most people aren’t even conscious of. I have found that I am susceptible to the negative energies around me. I couldn’t understand why I felt drained or avoided certain people in certain situations. Then I realized it was because someone was taking my power away from me.
We all have only so much energy in our well. If you keep giving people your power, you will eventually run dry, whether consciously or not. For me, that leads to a person who is in physical and mental pain. There is no way I can do anything for myself when I’m running on empty.
To protect me, I had to create what I call the vault. It’s an imaginary vault that I envision as those large bank vaults that have one of those giant arms that twirl. In those moments when I was feeling horrible, I would wind the vault shut so I could make it through the day.
What I noticed with this technique are a few things. I can control who gets my energy and how much of it. It has created a level of freedom, lightness and happiness that I hadn’t felt in so long. It also gave me an understanding of toxicity and power.
There are people in our lives to want to take your power. Sometimes it’s a positive experience. You can be inspiring others around you or helping someone get through a difficult time. In those moments, you are giving and taking power in that experience. Think of that as someone you feel like you’ve known your whole life, even if you met a month ago.
Then are those people who take your power without permission. There is an entitlement that they feel they have and don’t care what damage happens in its wake. These people come in a beautiful package, but underneath it lurks something, which in my opinion, is the worst kind of energy taker.
Why did I spend so much time and energy on these negative people? Well, I’m a kindhearted person, and I want to believe the best in people, for one. Yes, I couldn’t see what they were doing, but the reality is that I didn’t think I deserved better.
The minute I closed my vault of energy, things became more apparent. I let people take my power from me, and so I couldn’t possibly take proper care of my whole self. Embracing and taking back my control, I am learning new and exciting things about myself that were always there, but I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.
My perspective has shifted gradually, and I know that I am powerful and unique. It has taken a lot of time, focus and observation. These days I feel like I often have an out-of-body experience. I see the situation, but I see it from a new angle that I didn’t see before.
I see myself like an onion with layers, but those layers are not outer layers, but the layers on the inside peeling away at those things that I couldn’t see. I’m excited to see what the next layer unpeels.