Updated: Dec 16, 2021
Welcome to December!
Usually, I like to set an intention or 2 when a new month is upon us. December is no exception. Usually, I would choose to move more or eat better, especially with all the hustle and bustle of the festive season.
But this month is a bit different for me. I am travelling for work and then a week's holiday. I work for another two weeks, and then I'm off until the new year. So that means my schedule for the months isn't the norm. I'm someone who thrives on planning and a routine. So, in reality, I am slightly on edge. I can't fully control food accessibility, especially while away.
As I have said, I use food as comfort in moments of anxiety. So this month is an actual test of what I have learned about myself over the last few years. What I hope is that I can make it through unfamiliar territory.
So what intention did I set?
Travelling means I don't have access to my scale. I weigh in every Saturday. I have since I started this journey in April 2019. I had thought about weighing myself the day before I left and then weighing the day after I came back. But if I genuinely believe the scale is just a number, why do I have to do it other than the ordinary day for record purposes? Why does it matter at all?
I assume that there may be some form of gain while I'm away. But that shouldn't be first and foremost on my mind. This trip is about connections to co-workers, family and friends. It's not about an arbitrary number (Again, I will do a blog about numbers; it just keeps getting pushed back) that we give weight to (pun intended).
The first intention I set was to not step on the scale until the Saturday after my return. So weigh in at my regular time on my normal day. I left on a Wednesday and returned on a Sunday. So that would mean I weighed in 4 days before I left and will weigh in 6 days after my return.
What are the implications of that?
In the past, not weighing in would permit me to go a bit crazy with what I ate because "it didn't count." It would allow me to eat until I was so physically uncomfortable, and then I would eat more. Of course that filling my face with food was really about avoidance. I avoided interactions, feelings and dealing with the anxiety that I faced.
But the plan for this trip is to keep doing what I have been, understanding when I don't need to eat more. Remember that sometimes eating is to avoid things, and this month I want to face head-on my anxiety in new ways. I want to eat what I want without feeling guilty, eat to feel satisfied, not overstuff and as long as my clothes fit, I am good.
The reality is that I can do this. I have a strong base of knowledge. I am a work in progress, and I know I won't be perfect. But to be perfect is boring and not what I aspire to be. This trip and the festive season may cause anxiety and stress, but it also fills me with love, relaxation, laughter and hope.
In closing, I wanted to add this thing I quickly wrote at my seat on my phone, on a plane because it was too cramped to write on the computer:
As I sit on a plane, there is the anticipation of a new adventure. I've been at home without consideration of travel for almost two years. Travel was not a possibility. A year ago, I would never have thought I would be here at this moment.
Now is the time to work on living in the moment. Time to not worry about what my past has been. Understand I don't have and can't possibly control everything.
Xerox copies of my days are comfortable and mindless. Now is the perfect moment to let go of those moments and embrace that I can't replicate the experience, and that's okay. And, that's a beautiful thing.
I am more than enough. If someone doesn't feel that way, you are still enough. Sometimes you won't gel with someone else. You often don't know what's lurking in their lives, so it may not even be about you.
Experiences like this are unique, and you need to take advantage of these when you get the chance. Stop and truly experience this moment. If you are too focused on all the bull, all the beautiful things will pass you by.
Trust in yourself. Those moments of self-doubt that are bubbling under the surface are okay. They are a part of who you are. They make you unique. Just don't let them take over and consume your whole day. Remember that those are things in your mind and not always reality.
You are an extraordinary being, and others know it. Give yourself those daily affirmations. Learn to love yourself warts and all. If you love yourself, you open your heart to joy, light and happiness. It will leak onto those around you. It will envelop them in light, and it will come back to you a million times over.