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Introducing Rosie's Journey of Mind, Spirit and Body

Hello all, welcome to my Monday blog.

Rosie's Journey of Mind, Spirit and Body
Rosie's Journey of Mind, Spirit and Body

The plan is to talk about my continuing journey to becoming the person I have always been, even if I haven’t entirely made it to the destination. I hope you can find some little nugget of insight that will lead you on your own path.

Where to start?

I thought about a traditional story, but I don’t want to do that with this blog. Of course, it will gradually come to light as I talk through the issues each week. But I am not a traditional person, so why start now?

Here we go…….

I was always the fat chick. That was my role. It was a part of who I was. It was part of my self-description.

Think about that! Let it sink in!

When people asked me to describe myself, The first thing I would say wasn’t intelligent, funny or quirky. It wasn’t that I have blue-grey eyes or that I have thick curly hair. It was ALWAYS that I’m a fat chick.

Why did I do that? I suppose it was the most obvious physical trait about myself. You couldn't miss it, so why not face it head-on?

Everyone feels they have that right to say things to you. Strangers on the street, friends and family members, whether their intentions were good, wanted to make sure I understood that I was fat. As if it wasn't already painfully aware to me every time I looked at myself in a mirror.

As someone who suffers from anxiety and is prone to panic attacks, having people tell me I’m fat before I had a chance of acknowledging it to them gave them power over me. It would only add to the anxiety and feelings of inadequacy that I had. Saying it before they had the chance was like a shield of armour protecting myself from that negativity. Not letting them say it out loud before I did would make me feel less judged by them.

But the reality was, I was already judging myself.

The problem with calling myself the fat chick was it became a part of me to the point that I couldn’t do anything to change the course of my life. Once I said it enough, it became who I was as much as any other point of description. And once it became the first descriptor, there was no way I could walk away from it.

It’s no wonder that I couldn’t lose the weight. Or I could lose it and not keep it off. The minute I had that internally as part of who I am, I had sealed my fate.

Early in this iteration of my journey (maybe a month in), I realized that I had so identified myself as the fat chick that I didn’t know what else I was. Of course, there is so much more to me. There always has been, but I couldn’t figure out who I was.

It was then that I realized I had to change the narrative of who I am. If I identified as the fat chick, it didn’t matter if I hit goal weight. I would always go back to that fat chick who was sad, anxious and miserable. I would never be able to move forward in my life without changing the narrative.

Before I finish, I would like to say that people come in all shapes and sizes. No one should ever feel they are less of a person because of their size, shape, skin colour, whom they love, or how they identify. I am not judgmental, and this is about me, not anyone else.

So go out in the world and love not only those around you but yourself.

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